BraimeeDotCom

In addition to baby food, bread and cookie crumbs, Cam has developed a pretty advanced appetite for some peculiar “dog food.” Check it out by clicking here.

A few months ago I dropped a post about how the Barenaked Ladies had opened up an opportunity to remix one of their new hit songs. I downloaded the raw vocal, drums/bass, keyboard and guitar tracks and had a blast making my own custom mix.

However, BNL will not post my remix on their site! Why? I don’t know! I’ve uploaded it over 10 times over the course of a month, and they keep posting new remixes from other people…but not mine! So here’s the full quality version you can download from me, since it will apparently never be heard on the BNL site.

Turns out my new little cousin Josh is already considering his future. He wants to be a rap star like Eminem. See for yourself by clicking here.

Over the past few months I’ve been chatting with Cris Pearson, one of the creators of Comic Life, which is a devlishly addicting piece of software for Mac OSX (sorry Windows users!). Stop reading this and download it immediately.

Anyway, Cris has posted a few of my comics in the Comic Life gallery! Thanks Cris! Finally, my path to Web celebrity status can begin!

For my dad’s 69th birthday I wrote him a special birthday song. Not sure who will really “get” this besides my dad and about five other people, but for what it’s worth, here it is:

My dad is 69
I can’t believe he’s still alive
But he’s lookin’ pretty good for an old guy

He flies planes when it’s rainy or sunny
Keeps tellin’ jokes ‘til they’re not funny
And since Jen got married he don’t have any money

But we love him whether he’s got money or not
Yeah we love him, cuz’ he’s the only dad we got

So I’d like to say happy birthday
To a man so strong and bold
I’d like to say happy birthday
To a man with a heart of gold
I’d like to say happy birthday
I think you’re starting to grow mold
Happy birthday dad, it’s official: You’re old

My dad fills up at the Holiday station
He’s almost always on vacation
And he’s talked himself out of 15 traffic violations
My dad likes to play Phase 10
He plays it over and over again
Even though it’s doubtful that he is ever gonna win
But he doesn’t care about winning the game one bit
Because he only plays so he can throw mom a skip

So I’d like to say happy birthday
To a man who’s real high class
I’d like to say happy birthday
To a man who likes to mow the grass
I’d like to say happy birthday
To a guy with a really old…backside

Happy birthday dad, it’s official: You’re old.

My mom recently had a monumental birthday, so I felt it was fitting to write her a monumental birthday song to go along with it. It probably won’t do much for you if you don’t know my mom, but what the heck…here goes:

If you asked me to tell you all the people I know
Who are 60 years and older
I’d think real hard and I’d scratch my head
And then I’d shrug my shoulders

But I don’t want you to be feeling sad
And I don’t want you to feel blue
So I made a list of some people and things
That are much older than you

God, the earth, Adam and Eve,
Sun, moon, dirt and trees
The universe and its colonization,
Kingdoms, wars and constipation

Lightning and electricity
Ants, mosquitoes, flies and fleas
Water, fire, rain and soup,
Bananas, apples, oranges and poop

It’s easy to see and it’s easy to do
Everywhere you look there’s a lotta stuff older than you

(Instrumental)

Daisy Duke and Robert DeNiro
You’re just a little older then Richard Gere-o
The guy from Britain who invented glue
And “Babbwa Wawwa” from The View

Shirley Temple and the Little Rascals
Buckwheat, Spanky, Darla, Alfalfa (all dead!)
George H. Bush and Adam West
Dolly Parton and her chest

It’s easy to see and it’s easy to do
Everywhere you look there’s a lotta stuff older than you
Everywhere you look there’s a lotta stuff older than you

My wife and I just recently celebrated our anniversary, so I thought I’d post the song I wrote for her and sang at our wedding.

This song is probably not going to make much sense unless you know us, but when I hand down braimee.com to my kids some day, I want them to know their dad not only looked and acted like a dork, but sang like one too.

Anyway, here it is:

Met her seven years ago…
In a high school not very far away
I said, “Hey look! Both of our last names are Johnson!”
That joke wasn’t funny then, and it’s still not funny today

But now we’re standing here
You’re gonna be my wife, I’m gonna be your hubby
So I better hurry this song up
Cuz’ I’m a little nervous, and I’m starting to get a snuggie

We’re finally gettin’ married
Soon we’ll both say I do
And that’s what got me thinkin’ about
One more reason that I love you

If I didn’t have you I’d have to sing a country song
Sing it all day, all day long
It would be really sad, and I’d probably cry
Then I’d stick an IV needle in my eye

I’ll admit this song is strange
But come to think of it…so am I
So if you’re wonderin’ why Aim’s with me
It’s because I scared off all the halfway normal guys

Putting all jokes aside I want to tell you now how I really feel
This is the best day of my life
I love you so much, and it only gets better from here

We’re finally getting married
And that’s the best news that I’ve heard
So before we put our rings on
I wanna sing you a few more words

If I didn’t have you I’d have to sing a country song
Sing it from Nashville to Hong Kong
It would be really sad, there’d be nothing left to say
So I’d put my heart in a blender and hit “Puree”

My song is almost done
But I hope you remember it, and love it a whole lot
But before the last refrain
I want to leave you with one uplifting thought

No matter what happens now
Even if we both get sick and go broke we’ll be ok
Because we’ll still love each other
And live off of royalty checks from Jingle All the Way

So let’s go and married
Let’s tie the knot, let’s both say I do
But I want you to remember
One more reason that I love you

If I didn’t have you I’d have to sing a country song
Sing it in December in a thong
But since you’re here with me, I’m as happy as can be
So I’m glad I don’t have to sing a country song

Happy anniversary honey!

You thought you were safe, but you aren’t. Click here for another gut-busting, face-melting installment of Tommy the Techie.

Here’s another Tommy the Techie comic which you can check it out by clicking here. I apologize for the inappropriate subject matter, but this one’s based on a real tech support call a friend of mine got, and I thought it was funny enough to draw up for him. Hope you enjoy it.

Check out the second thrilling captivating breathtaking installment of the Tommy the Techie comic, which you can check out by clicking here.